Guaranteed wealth, health and happiness – or your money back!
04/10/2010

It seems the power of the Advertising Standards Authority knows no bounds. Not content with ruling on earthly matters, it has now extended its influence to the heavenly realm by banning an advertisement offering angel blessings!

The ad – for the Circle of Raphael Seven Angels Amulet – promised buyers ‘safety from danger, luck in love, work and games of chance, financial security, health and happiness’. Not a bad deal for £29 (silver) or £120 (gold), especially as it came with a money back guarantee!

The ASA banned the ad on the grounds that it failed to provide evidence to support its claims. I’d like to think it was because unlucky purchasers of the amulet sued the makers for compensation on failing to win the lottery or being jilted by their boyfriend.

But they never do, of course. And advertisers know it, which is why they make so bold as to offer a money back guarantee in the first place – it’s the old inertia selling ploy, and it works every time. Not that they’d be liable for much, anyway, especially if the amulet failed to ‘protect them from danger’ – it’s like offering a money back guarantee on a parachute!

In a similar vein, the continuing sale of St Christopher medals and Cornish Lucky Piskeys is the triumph of hope over experience, and demonstrates the powerful allure of guarantee or celebrity endorsement, even when we know we’re being had – I mean who, for example, ever believed that Nanette Newman was so hard up she had to save a few pennies on Fairy washing up liquid, let alone soil her hands with the stuff?

Speaking of endorsements, another dodge in which the public colludes is the critics’ notices you see outside West End theatres. There’s never a bad review here, have you noticed?   The foyer is plastered with banners screaming “Brilliant – The Times” or “Incredible – Daily Mail”. Of course, should you check out the actual review it’ll say something like “Waste of a brilliant talent” or “An incredible bore”, but by then you’ve parted with your dosh.

But perhaps the most deceitful claim of all is the one issued by the Treasury that says “I promise to pay the bearer on demand …”.  I think we should put the ASA onto that one!