“I’m still great!” says Tony the Tiger
04/06/2010

I was browsing in a second-hand bookshop the other day, leafing through an old Daily Mail Ideal Home Exhibition catalogue from the 50’s, when who should pop out smiling from its pages than my old friend Mr Therm, a sunny faced cartoon character who used to work for the gas board, but got pensioned off when British Thermal Units – from which he took his name – were superseded by the metric equivalent.

It got me wondering about where old ad characters go when they die. I like to think of them all sitting around in the oak-panelled bar of a gentlemen’s club, relaxing with a scotch and soda and reminiscing about the old days.

There’s old Mr Cube, a squat, ugly fellow whose appearance belies his sweet disposition as the long retired representative of Tate & Lyle. Tanking up at the bar is the Esso Tiger, the extrovert petrol-head who makes Jeremy Clarkson look like a fossil fuel conservationist. The Robertson Golly (this is a progressive establishment, and he is a public school boy, after all) gives the place a cosmopolitan air, as does the chubby Michelin man, who went into haute cuisine, and is now perusing the menu in anticipation of a solid three-course lunch.

Of course, there are still a few old timers who refuse to lie down and die. Things are still ‘Great!’ for Tony the Tiger of Frosties fame; the Bisto Twins are still on the gravy train; and Colonel Saunders is still his kindly, avuncular self, although he has recently suffered the indignity of having his creation – Kentucky Fried Chicken – reduced to an acronym.

Still, in these recession hit days, more could and should be done to reduce unemployment and help the economy by bringing these well loved characters out of retirement. How about Beatrix Potter’s Squirrel Nutkin as a rep for Cadbury’s Whole Nut chocolate, or Pooh Bear as a champion of Gales Honey? If Fray Bentos were to add Cow Pie to their range, Desperate Dan’s patronage would surely be worth a small fortune to them, and Typhoo Tea could do worse than recruit’s Lewis Carrol’s Mad Hatter and Dormouse.

And what about the biggest star of them all – Mickey Mouse? I guess he’s kept pretty busy flying daily between Orlando, Florida and Paris, France, but maybe he could squeeze in a 30-second celebrity endorsement for Kraft Dairylea?